Search Not Just Numbers

Thursday, 22 April 2010

HMRC - making paying tax funny

Sorry, I've been a bad blogger recently. Things have been a bit hectic. I will do my best to post much more regularly now.

I have to thank a new client, Geoff Dowling of Windsor Accountancy,  for forwarding me this gem, as well as, where he got it from - although I believe it has been forwarded around by email a great deal already.

This is apparently a genuine letter from HMRC in response to a taxpayer:

Dear Sir
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.
Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a “begging letter”. It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a “tax demand”. This is how we at the Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the “endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat” has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from “pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers” might indicate that your decision to “file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies” is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a “lackwit bumpkin” or, come to that, a “sodding charity”. More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay “go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services”, a moment’s rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to “stump up for the whole damned party” yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor’s disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on “junkets for Bunterish lickspittles” and “dancing whores” whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, “that box-ticking fa├žade of a university system.”

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don’t simply write “Muggins” on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system; 

2. You can rest assured that “sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give” has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn’t render it irrelevant, the sheer medical Logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to “give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India” you would still owe us the money. Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely

[Annoyed but funny HMRC employee]

If you enjoyed this post, go to the top left corner of the blog, where you can subscribe for regular updates and your free report.


  1. The from numerous, for instance the debt bring not to mention escapement, turn best suited fake chanel oh no - typically the origins from watchmaking : they've been the foundation from a calibre. Some people, along the lines of jewel bearings, commonly are not imperative to typically the day to day functions from a follow, particularly high-end devices would be a vital have towards breitling replica uk ensure that clarity not to mention sustainability. The very thought of by using very hard jewelry along the lines of ruby not to mention sapphire was approached in your 1700s. Typically the friction attributed to sheet metal chaffing vs sheet metal in your a large number of sheet metal regions spinning concerning pistons was basically seen towards purpose inaccuracies, switching typically the sheet metal bearing with the help of jewel equivalents but not just concluded rolex replica uk the main friction concern, nevertheless it really was basically seen the priceless aspects don't wear down for the reason that fast as well, substantially expanding typically the sustainability of this follow. But, this unique theory don't our warmer tempuratures to standard wearing instantaneous. Particularly in reserve of this reasonable tremendous cost from by using such priceless stones, the problem through genuinely framing these products aided by the devices to choose from once suggested who basically the foremost glamorous clocks owned and operated any sort of, perhaps even fake rolex therefore basically through the most important bearings, for instance the debt bring pivots. Approximately only two eras afterward, through 1902 Auguste Verneuil introduced one way from synthesizing sapphire not to mention ruby.

  2. Nice article ! very very interesting informative content wonderful sharing.Thank yo so much.- Inheritance tax advice Windsor